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A partridge in a pear tree If you thought your Christmas shopping list was daunting, spare a thought for the poor, besotted True Love from The 12 Days Of Christmas song, who will doubtless be rushing round like a headless French hen right now, trying to track down leaping lords, milkmaids and all the other items on his rather eclectic gift list. So where should he start looking? And in these credit crunch times, how much is it all going to cost him? JANE FRYER gives him a helping hand A PARTRIDGE IN A PEAR TREE While an oven-ready partridge - plucked, cleaned, seasoned, draped in a nice bit of streaky bacon and stuck in a pear tree - might not be everyone's dream gift, the live option presents its own problems. How on earth do you keep a live partridge in the tree, other than Sellotaping it down?

And shooting your own and whipping it down to the local taxidermist is surprisingly dear - 'You're looking at about £150 a bird, depending on the condition,' says Alexis from London Taxidermy. Two turtle doves Very tricky. Not only are turtle doves in decline and a protected species, but according to Graham Madge of the RSPB, the few that are left are busy sunning themselves in sub-Saharan Africa. 'They're summer visitors to the UK only and right now will be spending the holiday season with the rhinos in Kenya and Mali.' And while regular fan tail doves - £40 a pair from Rod at Lovey Dovey UK - sound the ideal substitute, there's a problem. 'Only young birds will stay put and they won't be born until February/March, so the ones we've got will just fly straight back to us here in South Wales.'

So the solution is a dove release, at £165. Rod will deliver a pair of mature birds in a blacked-out vehicle (so they get plenty of rest on the journey) and release them from prettily decorated baskets with a dramatic flourish. Just don't expect to see them again.

TOTAL: £165 THREE FRENCH HENS. Three French hens There are four well-known breeds of French hen - Faverolles, La Fleche, Crevecoeurs and Marans. All are very fetching. But with their pink backs, cream breasts, feathered legs and impressive beards, the five-toed Salmon Faverolles, from the village of Faverolles in northern France, are the most handsome. They are also the best at egg-laying in the winter months - nice for Christmas. Then again, clucking chickens aren't everyone's cup of tea, so perhaps it's time to economise a bit and buy them dead at £2.99 a (small) bird from Tesco.

TOTAL: £8.97 FOUR COLLEY BIRDS Contrary to popular belief, it is not calling birds, but colley - meaning dirty or sooty - the old name for blackbirds. According to the RSPB's Graham Madge, it is a 'big problem because it's illegal to take blackbirds' eggs, destroy their nests or take adult birds into protection. Your only option would be to find one in captivity, which must by law be ringed.' Which brings us back to Alexis at London Taxidermy, who can offer three perky-looking blackbirds and a small jackdaw (she'll never spot the difference) at a discounted rate of £322 for hire over the Christmas period. TOTAL: £322 FIVE GOLD RINGS Given the cost of all those birds, maybe it's time to rein in a bit - after all, she's getting five gold rings, so she can hardly start nit-picking about quality. So forget Tiffany or Garrard and pop down to your local Argos, where a nine-carat plain gold ring costs just £12.69. TOTAL: £63.45 SIX GEESE A-LAYING Geese can be a bit of a handful - especially if you live in a one-bedroom, city centre flat. Cornell Note Taking Method Custom Pdf Generator Free.